Diverting from the usual style + beauty content on Everyday to Runway, I wanted to write an ‘off topic’ post about dating and the city of New York. So for my fashion-only girls, here is your moment to click off the screen and come back tomorrow for regularly scheduled programming. For those readers under 18, I love you dearly, so I have chosen to hide the content, and also, invite you to click off + come back to the site tomorrow…
This will not be a post dedicated to the far too referenced four women in the city cult television show, that is not reality. Here is the real version of women in New York. Single men, listen up.
There is a middle ground between a one night stand and marriage.
Men, far too often, classify women as a one night/one week woman OR a wife. False. If a woman is single, and doesn’t sleep with you on the first date, that does not mean she is looking at you for a serious relationship right off the bat. There is this cool thing that men and women can do: it’s called hanging out, going to dinner, working with each other’s schedule to see each other when the time is convenient. After dating here and there in the city, and having a best friend with hilarious OK Cupid dating stories, the most common thing we’ve realized is that men assume every girl is looking to settle down, immediately.
I can guarantee you with every fiber of my being, I am not desperate. I date who I feel is worth the time away from my day to day, my friends, my career, my work out schedule, etc. I do not date any and every man who comes around. I am also not looking to get married in the next twelve+ months. At 24 years old, my friends agree: we want fun, we want new experiences, a cool person to go try that new brunch spot or upcoming NY Giants’ game.
Not to help matters, most men we have met, suffer from what we call Peter Pan syndrome. Not a fear, but a choice, to wait to grow up. A thirty-five year old man in New York has the same habits of a 22 year old boy outside of New York. In fact, this weekend I met a thirty year old woman who was receiving wink-faced text messages from her thirty-eight year old date. Really? The desire to stay “young” clouds judgement on what the woman in front of them really wants. Instead assumptions are commonly made, and commitments are commonly avoided.
So what’s the lesson to be learned here:
WOMEN- When you date, be upfront. If you do want a serious relationship, make it known, you’ll save yourself a heartbreak a month in when you realize he only wanted an occasional late night text friend. More importantly, if you have a great group of friends, a career you’re passionate about and in turn, a busy schedule, it’s okay to not want a “serious” relationship. I have learned from a recent situation, that it is beneficial to actually voice the fact that with your jam-packed schedule you want someone to hang out with, to have a marg post-work at Tacombi, but to not have a daily check-in commitment to. At our age, and with our generation, a glorified friendship could be the perfect “relationship.”
MEN- Chill out. Not everyone is pinning their wedding boards with you in mind. #justsayin
So there it is. My open letter to the men and women of New York City. Now it’s time for you to go out, have fun, think intelligently but also think less! Stop overanalyzing, stop assuming. And be okay with the fact that your “boyfriend” jeans, might just be loose baggy pants that belong to you, and only you.